If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
