I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
