This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize