went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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