Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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