I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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