once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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