i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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