If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
