he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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