So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
