Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize