Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Randomize
