I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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