Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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