Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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