my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
sarcasm needs its own font
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
