o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
