ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
