we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just puked most of my soul out..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
