isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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