Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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