still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
