I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize