i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize