I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
