Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
