So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
