There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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