You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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