Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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