Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
