This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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