Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
