If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
