Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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