So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
