He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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