So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
