i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
the raccoons are back...
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