Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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