Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
