apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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