he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
