Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Sacagawea was the original milf.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
