Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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