It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
