Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
