he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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