GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
