i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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