I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
