I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
