I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
