Pants 0. Shit 1.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize