if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
