in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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