i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
