I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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