I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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