1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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