You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
