So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize