I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
