I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
