I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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