When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
