we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
