I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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