so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He passed out mid-signature
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
