that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
