what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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