Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
