is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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