Whod you bang
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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