i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
